Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
