I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
