he was CRYING into my vagina
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
