Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
