My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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