I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
