nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
