my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
