i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
