Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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