The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
