It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
