After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
