If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
