i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
