just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
