You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
