I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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