We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
