Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
