His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
