Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My dick has a subreddit
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
