walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
