Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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