I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
