Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
