theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
