Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
