P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
