I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
