did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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