I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
