I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
