escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
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