Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
