Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You took a bar mat shot.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
