Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sext me about skeletons
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
