Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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