im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
