My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
