Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
