so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
