it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
