Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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