I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
