Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's official drugs can't kill me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
