Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So vagazzling was a success
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