what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
