He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
