I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
